why be a wall when you could be a mirror? how to take your own advice and grow from it

They say we’re all mirrors of each other. But think of the times you ignore yourself in others. Think of all the advice you give to others that you neglect to listen to yourself. This is where a wall is put up.

I’ve heard so many times “if your brain was a person, would you be friends with them?” I hate to admit that many times, I wouldn’t. But I am working towards a space where I would. 

What would things look like if every time you sent love to someone, that love was reflected back to you? How much more joyful would the world be? Think of every time you’ve coaxed your friend into giving themselves grace and then turned around and battled yourself incessantly. Or the times you’ve assured them that “their body is the least interesting thing about them” then tore yourself apart the next time you looked at yourself in the mirror. What if you reflected your own wisdom back to yourself? We all share innate wisdom and love, but we also share the challenges of growing up and being human. 

We tend to acknowledge a problem, an issue, an obstacle when someone else confides in us. When you are anxious that you are underperforming at work, you are lazy and just need to work harder. When your mom expresses the same sentiment, she is worrying for nothing because she is hardworking, strong, and amazing. Our loved ones rely on us to listen to them and offer them support. But when you think of your own issues, how many times have you disregarded them as unimportant, selfish, or stupid? 

There is potential for something magical to happen when our issues are directly reflected back to us. The issue can finally become real.  

From a zoomed out perspective, it makes sense. Our thoughts and feelings seem untouchable, unsubstantial… altogether unreal in some way. That coupled with their very real weight that affects us in every capacity? They are both far off and not tangible and at the same time a very intricate part of every moment of your life. Like many unknowns in this world, we do what we know how: we humanize it. Once a problem or a similar problem manifests in someone else, it can come to life in a way that we understand it. Other people and their problems are comfortable to us. Hearing others’ struggles is a part of being in a community. And while we’ve spent our entire lives with our thoughts, the idea of them seems out of reach. So when someone happens to share the grievance you’ve been shamefully tearing yourself up about… 

It can go one of three ways. 

The first path goes like this: the problem simply cancels yours out. Just like that. The scary unknown of our thoughts become something digestible, and once it doesn’t scare us anymore, we can simply let it pass. 

Secondly, you can “other” the problem away. Unfortunately, this is what many of us do day after day. We believe that we are the negative exception. Of course our loved ones deserve to treat themselves kindly and take their grievances seriously, but not us. The reflection is blocked with our own mental shields. 

The third option that I offer for you to explore is that you can allow for the reflection to vindicate you. To remind you that your feelings are real and you are loveable with and despite them. Let the people you love unconditionally be a mirror, not a wall, for your love and care.  

Take the example of your friend and their body image. Imagine this: your friend is picking apart their beautiful, miraculous body and you coax them out of it. You remind them that they are beautiful, that their inner radiance shows on the outside. You tell them that the least interesting thing about them is the shape of their body– and you really mean it, too! But don’t let it end there. As you speak the words, you internalize them yourself. Then, the next time you see that friend, you are both reminded of the wisdom that you shared. Now you have more space to grow and be joyful together.

But why wait for that reflection? Why nor embody each feeling as its own entity? Humanize your feelings and use that digestible form to decide whether or not to act on things. Look your emotions in the eyes with affection and empathy, just like you would a loved one. Even if you’re mad at them, they are an extension of you and for that, they deserve love and respect. 

Instead of waiting for your friend to pick themself apart, channel inward next time you do it. Next time you catch yourself looking in the mirror with negativity, channel the wisdom you’d say to a friend. Don’t let the mirror become a wall. Look at your reflection and remember that you are talking to a real person. Speak to her like you speak to your friends. Remind her that she is beautiful that her inner radiance shows on the outside. Tell her the least interesting thing about her is the shape of her body– and really mean it, too! 

Let the power of your wisdom, your love, your abundance of positive energy travel through your mirror and right back into your soul.