guilt to gratitude: celebrate your success and acknowledge your struggle

When I went to therapy for my eating disorder, my guilty conscience seemed to get in my way constantly.

“You’re not sick enough.”

“You don’t deserve to get help.”

“People have it much worse than you.”

Why do we allow guilt to enter the space that could be held for gratitude?

When I reflect on this, I like to think in two directions. So let’s talk about success versus struggle.

In today’s society, we are told that in order to succeed, we have to push to our breaking points. We are told that only the absolute “most” in any category will be the only successful ones. The most talented or the people who work the most amount of hours, or the people with the most money will always come out on top. 

But what about the rest of us? Why can’t success be found in the lives of the ordinary? Think about an amazing teacher who changes students’ lives, a fitness instructor who brightens their clients’ days, or a researcher who thanklessly gives their hours to benefit the world’s knowledge. Those people may never be the most rich and famous, but their success is no less important than someone who is.

And, in the other direction…

Our news outlets are trained to feed us the worst of the worst– a gruesome murder, a death due to an eating disorder, or someone who has hit the point of no return based on one bad decision. In short, people who are driven to the point of insanity. These tragedies are broadcasted to instill fear and shock in us, but there are more subtle effects that take place.

The sheer volume of these stories that we consume causes us to minimize our own struggles. While there is something to be said for perspective and empathy, this has caused us who are ridden with a guilty conscience to subliminally believe that we do not deserve the same attention or care.

I’m here to change this narrative for you and for me. We do not have to be at rock bottom to acknowledge that we need help. In the normalcy of our lives, there is still success and there is still suffering. Just because someone will always be “more” something than you– positive or negative– you cannot be discouraged in your own healing journey. 

So, when your guilty conscience comes up when you vent to your friends or when you’re sitting on the couch in your therapist’s office, I want you to remember two things:

1. Reflect on the fact that proactivity may not be as alluring as polarity, but it is the most efficient way to help yourself and others.

By getting help now, you prevent yourself from hitting that point of no return. This is a gift to yourself and to the world. The sooner you break negative thoughts, behaviors, and patterns, the more time you have to spread your truest, most joyful gifts with the world.

2. This sort of guilt can always be re-framed as gratitude

Let’s go back to my internal talk when I was in therapy:

“You’re not sick enough.”

“You don’t deserve to get help.”

“People have it much worse than you.”

Now let’s flip the script into self talk that reminds me how lucky I am to be in this position.

“I am bettering myself, which in turn will better the lives around me.”

“I am so grateful to be getting help.”

“I deserve to live my best life, and I am so lucky to be using the tools that I have access to.”

You deserve love. You deserve support. And you deserve to get better, right now. 

Alchemize guilt into gratitude as often as you can, and remember that your life is the center of your own universe. It is not selfish to want to make it as full as possible. We can only control ourselves, and by being proactive and seeking help when you feel drawn to it, you make your own universe a greater, more welcoming place. Never feel guilt for choosing the path that creates more love, more joy, and a deeper connection to yourself.